It is hard to believe tomorrow will be 2 years that have passed since I gave birth to our little Noah Matthew, who was no longer alive, at 21.5 weeks along in my pregnancy. While the raw pain and hurt have drastically lessened over the past two years, they have also been intensified with the death of our little Corbin Elijah this year.
I now live with the twinge of pain in my heart of losing 2 of my babies half-way through my pregnancies, the pain of giving birth to two little boys, holding them, never getting to know them, and having to say goodbye to them way sooner that I wanted to.
Some may think you just move on after this type of loss, and just try to forget about it…I even have those thoughts myself at times. But that just isn’t true, and it shouldn’t be. My little boys will always be in my heart, I will never forget them. Each birthday, and due date that comes I will think of them, remember them – remembering what I had hoped for and expected, that simply did not happen, that were not God’s plan for my sons.
And most of all, I will remember the extreme hurt and anguish I felt on this day 2 years ago. And while I went through something that felt completely unbearable to me, God carried me through, giving me peace and comfort when and how I needed it. He was faithful, He is faithful, He has always been faithful to me.
On another note…at our Women’s Conference a week ago, our speaker was Sharon Betters. She was amazing…she lost her son in a car accident when he was 16 years old. She shared all that she went through (good, bad, and ugly), and also how to help friends who are experiencing loss., and how to be the one who “walks through the darkness with them.”
If you have lost a child or a loved one, I highly recommend her book, Treasures In Darkness: A Grieving Mother Shares Her Heart
If you have a friend who is walking through that darkness, or really any woman should read her book Treasures of Encouragement: Women helping women in the church, which teaches us how to care for someone who is grieving. This is a great resource for anyone, because we will all either experience loss, or know someone who has.