Almost 2 weeks ago I went in for my 12.5 week visit to the dr. I got to have another sono! Yay! I am loving having sono’s every time I go in. It is super comforting! It is so different seeing a perinatologist (high-risk ob). I first have a sono with the sonographer, And then when my perinatologist comes in he also does a sono himself, carefully looking at all the details of the baby.
At this appointment he said that everything looked great with our baby. He/she was even measuring a week ahead, so growing well! My Dr said I will get another sono at my next appt (I’ll be 16.5 weeks), and we should be able to find out the gender at that appointment! I am pretty excited about that since it is the first time a dr has ever let me find out that early!
I am glad I made the switch to my high-risk dr. It is not my ideal choice for prenatal care, but in the situation I am in, it is definitely ideal. If that makes sense. I would rather go with a more natural route, like a midwife. However, I feel, at least for this time around, going with a perinatologist eases my anxieties a little, as I feel it is the best option for me and the baby.
I’d like to report that I have no worries, but that is totally not true. There is quite a bit of fear, worry, and anxiety that has gone along with this pregnancy. I often feel like I am just waiting. Waiting to see what happens. Waiting for the next appointment. Waiting to get past that 20 week mark, and then waiting to see what happens after that. I’d totally be lying if I said it isn’t a bit scary. It is. But in all that, it reminds me of my weakness, frailty, and sinful heart – and my need to fully depend on Christ each and every day. I know nothing is certain in life. There are so many things we take for granted in everyday life. That we, or our children, or spouse, will wake up tomorrow morning. That our car will make it safely from point A to point B. Life feels pretty safe for us most of the time. And then we forget to rely fully on God. I think it’s when things don’t go right in life, when they turn out the way we did not expect them to, that we see our weakness and realize our need for dependence on Christ. We don’t like to admit we are weak. We like to think things are under our control, and things will always go fine. But, that is a dangerous place to be. Being in a place of seeing our weakness and need for Christ is way more uncomfortable – yet at the same time – way more peaceful. You know what I mean?
So, that is where I am right now! A big mixture of joy, fear, elation, worry, excitement, and anxiety – but at the center of it all, knowing and trusting that God is in complete control of everything, and thankful that He has me in His hands!