One year ago today, I delivered our little Brendan David at 18.5 weeks, who was already with Jesus. What a year it has been. I wish I could say I have been fine, and pulled through beautifully, but the truth is, losing this baby has been the most difficult grief out of our three boys that have been born stillborn between 18-21 weeks. This year was hard. Very hard.
But even in the hard, God has been so faithful. He is teaching me, reminding me, to look to Him first for my refuge, strength, and joy. Not to look to others, or things, or circumstances. Others disappoint. Things don’t last. Circumstances change. He never disappoints, lasts forever, and never changes. He has used Brendan’s brief life to once again remind me of the brevity of life, the value of life, and the importance of living each day to the glory of God. Brendan’s life has been a reminder of the precious miracle each of my kids lives are. That we aren’t guaranteed tomorrow, or another baby, or ANY children for that matter. But by the grace of God I’d better deeply love the ones He has placed in my care on earth, steward my time with them well, and point them to Him in all things.
“Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
For behold, those who are far from you shall perish; you put an end to everyone who is unfaithful to you.
But for me it is good to be near God; I have made the Lord GOD my refuge, that I may tell of all your works.” – Psalm 73:25-28
Had Brendan been born on his due date, he would be around 7 months right now. We all miss him dearly, and so wish we could have known him on earth. He, however, has known nothing but perfection. He does not miss us, as he has something far greater than an earthly family. He has Jesus always and forever. I look forward to the day when I do too! But for now, I will go on loving and caring for the great blessings I have here on earth with me.